


In 2022, the American Psychiatric Association added Prolonged Grief Disorder as a diagnosable condition to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.Īccording to the American Psychological Association, an adult may have prolonged grief disorder if they're preoccupied with thoughts of a person they lost, or the circumstances that led to a certain loss, for at least a year. She suggested deleting them from your social media accounts and calling a friend or doing an activity that brings you joy when you get the itch to send your ex a text.

When they become absent from your life due to a breakup, your brain creates a separation response that elicits heartache, sadness, and grief, according to a 2015 blog from the journal Nature.Īccording to Chan, the best way to stop yourself from acting on the urge to reach out to an ex is to keep them out of sight and mind and redirect your energy.

When you're in a relationship with a friend, lover, or someone else, your brain forms neural pathways that are linked to memories you've had with that person. It's normal to have that urge, regardless of how the breakup happened, according to Amy Chan, a relationship advice columnist for more than a decade and author of "Breakup Bootcamp: The Science of Rewiring Your Heart." You should redirect your energy when you have an urge to reach out to an ex friend or lover. She also said that replacing "Why did this happen?" questions with "What did I notice when this happened?" questions can help someone stop their racing thoughts. The same can be true for grief from the sudden death of a loved one. Remembering that these thought spirals are normal and finding activities to distract from or interrupt racing thoughts can help someone feel less anxious following a breakup, according to Daramus. But the brain tries to cope with the discomfort of uncertainty by making up stories about why the breakup happened. With breakups, for example, you can't control the emotions or thoughts of the other partner, and may not ever understand their motives for ending the relationship, Watson said. "Our minds naturally want to ruminate on issues they can't understand or comprehend," therapist Meghan Watson said. When a person experiences intense grief, their mind will often replay what happened in an attempt to protect itself from future distress, according to therapist Aimee Daramus. It's normal to experience racing thoughts after a breakup or other type of grief like the sudden death of a loved one, therapists say. Account icon An icon in the shape of a person's head and shoulders.
